What I Learned About Angels and Progress in 2010

At church on Sunday, I started to think about how progress has always meant hardship...from the beginning.

Mormons believe that we lived before this life and that as soon as God presented his eternal plan to us, a war broke out because some didn't like his plan. So in that case..progress meant war. We had a fight on our hands. Then as soon as Adam and Eve took the chance to progress they were cast out of the beautiful Garden of Eden and faced the dangers of the world outside. Things would never be easy again. And why should they be?

Last year, I experienced some "progress" of my own and maybe you did too. At the beginning of summer my insomnia got worse and I experienced the disappointment of having my plans to run, hike, hike and hike some more crushed by a painful case of plantar fasciitis. Not being able to exercise didn't help me sleep better and I started to feel a lot of frustration and hopelessness. Things eventually improved...a little. Then, in October I lost my job and in November I came down with a nasty bug. I had a sore throat, an ear infection, laryngitis that lasted so long I forgot what my real voice sounded like and I had to go the ER one morning because I couldn't breathe. (I guess whatever I had hit quite a few people and hard.)

And, I wouldn't change any of it. Yep that's right...none of it. Because, I learned last year that when we are going through what feels like hell on earth - sometimes in the midst of all that - is when God shows us evidence of his love. When we can't feel it on our own, he just puts it there..in front of our faces so we can't miss it. And he does it through other people....guardian angels, no doubt. He showed his love to me at girls camp during a powerful meeting with my precious Young Women , where I just couldn't help feel his love, after I had been starving for it. He showed his love to me when I was sick and some wonderful people brought me meals and magazines and fresh squeezed orange juice. One of those dinner sharing friends had no idea I was sick but had a feeling out of the blue that she needed to call and check on me. If that's not a guardian angel, I don't know who is. No one can tell me there is no God. No one can tell me he doesn't care about me. I'm guilty of accusing him of letting me suffer unfairly sometimes but don't we all say or think dumb things when we are hurting? But at the end of the day he is there and sometimes if I can't see him on my own..he sends in reinforcements. I hope I get to be a reinforcement sometimes..even if I don't realize it when it happens.

Losing my job was the best thing for me. I was so miserable at my job and felt so trapped. Now I'm free to try new options and I have received lots of support as I've pursued those new options. More evidence that I'm not alone in the world.

So, as I progress in this world, I anticipate some scary and dark times. I anticipate blessings that feel like curses and I anticipate angels along the way to pull me out of the darkness and to help me clear my fogged perspective. And like I said, I hope that along the way, as I progress, I get to be an angel also, to others who are experiencing their own progression. I've seen what they can do...and I can imagine no greater call.